Wait vs Weight

As my health journey continues, I keep trying to convey to my girls that it isn't about my weight. I'm not as concerned about how I look but more about how I feel. It was my attempt to try to convey a positive body image. I don't want them to be burdened with thinking they are fat in any way. As women, we go through enough of that and I don't need to start my girls on that anytime soon. We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to other women. I want them to see themselves as cherished and loved no matter what their outward appearance. However, I do want them to exercise and eat healthy so that they can have a full life as God intended.

While the message I was sending them had good intentions behind it I realized I was not fully honest with them. I also wasn't being honest with myself. I was beginning to get consumed with my weight loss. Why won't the scale budge? What am I doing wrong? Is it my exercise routine? Is it my nutrition? WHAT is the problem? Yesterday I was challenged while talking with a friend. She confessed that at times she reaches for food to fill a void and not hunger. I know I do that quite a bit and quite frequently. I also realized that I was trying to find my value in my weight loss. After all, isn't that the true measure of success? If you exercise and eat right then losing weight is the most natural outcome, right? Well for me the weight loss has been very slow. It has been very frustrating and quite annoying. I felt like a failure! It was as if all those that I have inspired would be disappointed in me. I also didn't want to admit that I was struggling but it was really obvious.

I also realized that I didn't want to turn this over to God. I didn't want to face the fact that I was placing my self worth in my weight. I also didn't want to wait on Him and serve Him through this process. I want results and I want them NOW! I don't want to have to wait for anything. I can blame our microwave/drive-thru society but it is the condition of my own heart. Right now I am still lazy and I don't want to work for the results.

This morning I felt a bit convicted about it all. Am I really going to be happy if I never lose another ounce? Am I willing to trust God in this journey? Am I going to seek Him as the lover of my soul (and body)? Well I wish I could say I screamed a resounding "YES!". My answer was quite wimpy as I asked God to help me with my unbelief. I believe He was just waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for help. Today at the gym I reached a new personal best. I worked out for 1 1/2 hours and returned tonight for Zumba dance class. I am tired and yet I feel alive!

As you can see this journey has many ups and downs and I'm glad I'm not alone through it all. I am so thankful for each of you that take time to pray for me or encourage me. It is making all the difference. Plus I am thrilled to report that I've lost about 1/2 an inch all over. Plus my weight last week was 224.8 lbs and now I am 222.6 lbs! Hooray!!!