Did *I* do that?

Harsh reality stared me in the face the other day. I'm addicted to food. I believe this is no different than anyone addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, or pornography. The addiction is strong and the excuses are lengthy. My upbringing, environment, genetics, blah blah blah. The truth is I obsessively desire food and turn to it for personal fulfillment and satisfaction.

Years ago I had a friend that was/is an alcoholic. He'd wake up with bottles around him and he'd have no memory of drinking that much. He denied that he had a real problem even though the evidence was clear. I used to sit on my judgement seat and wonder how he could do that to himself. Well, apparently I'm no different! The other day I was cleaning my room. I was vacuuming under the bed and by my nightstand I found a variety of food wrappers. I was shocked and my first instinct was that it must have been my girls. Surely it couldn't be ME?! Right? Well I'm sad to report it was me. As I sat and cried for quite some time I realized that I have tremendous willpower when I'm with people. However, my addiction is strong and it has overpowered me when I'm alone. So what does this mean? Am I never to be left alone again? Of course not! It means that I refuse to allow myself to feel alone. By opening myself up on this blog, on Facebook, and in person I am finally using the resources that God has had in place for me all along.

I am SLOWLY learning that God has never intended for me to lead an isolated life. He has put amazing people in my path to learn from them and be encouraged. I have chosen to hide as best I can and I really thought that by hiding I'd be safe. Little did I realize how much danger there is in the darkness. Shame, guilt, fear of rejection, self loathing, and fear kept me shackled. It is amazing how in just a few short days my mind is being renewed. By exposing my sin, struggles, fears and my victories I feel lighter than I have in years. Obviously I'd love to hit my goal weight but it is far more important to me that my heart and mind be healed first. In the meantime though...."HI, My name is Marcie and I'm a food-aholic"