Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sometimes forgetting is a GOOD thing!

Yesterday I went to the dentist. As I sat in the chair getting ready for my exam the hygienist asked me "Did you take your Pre-meds ok?" My stomach clenched "Oh no! I forgot!"

Due to my bilateral knee and hip replacements I have to take pre-meds prior to any dental procedure. Since I've been exercising and slowly losing weight I'm glad to report that my knees and hips don't hurt as often. In 4 1/2 years I have never forgotten my pre-meds. The pain has always been consistent and therefore I've always remembered. I am convinced that this time forgetting is a GOOD thing!

Progress! Woo hoo!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Live Loved!

I haven't shared in a while because I am annoyed! I just want off of this roller coaster ride. I'm very tired of looking deep within myself. Self examination is like having to be awake during open heart surgery! Blech! It ain't pretty and I think anesthesia was invented for a reason. There are too many times when I just want to eat and not have to think first. I'm tired of thinking or looking for the scale to reaffirm my efforts. Seeking validation in all the wrong places is exhausting!

So, after my temper tantrum what do I do? First, I try to laugh at myself for being so ridiculous. It doesn't work all too well but I do try. Then, I turn to my accountability partner so she can pray with me. Last (which should've been first) I turn to the Word of God. I found this Scripture and I hope it blesses you too!

Psalm 18:28-34
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to stand on the heights.

I obviously know that this isn't about David's weight issues, or mine for that matter, yet it still brings me comfort. Ever so slowly I see that God is my shield. He is anxious to protect me from the voices within my broken heart that tell me I'm a failure. He wants for me to see myself as He sees me. He truly is the lover of my soul! The biggest challenge set before me has nothing to do with weight, food, exercise or relationships. The challenge is to "live loved". If I really understood that God loves me how would I live? Do I even know what that means? To be loved unconditionally and uncontrollably and with great passion. Each day He pursues me and desires me. If I knew deep within myself that I am the adoration of the Most High I would probably live confidently. I wouldn't measure my success on outward appearance, numbers on a scale, or the size of my clothes. I would endeavor to live healthy but it wouldn't be out of obligation or fear. I would no longer be afraid of the ones that I think are judging me. I would not longer have a need to judge myself. So, I find myself at yet another cross road. Am I going to choose to "live loved" or not? As with everything else I'm currently doing on my journey to health it isn't a Yes/No decision. The process and progress may seem slow but I have to admit it is worth it!

FYI - Current weight 217 lbs