Hitting a major roadblock tonight. I still haven't figured out the underlying trigger. Basically, I want to quit! I'm done! Get me off of this merry go round because I can't take it anymore!!!
Ok, glad to get that off of my chest. I have been expecting to hit this emotional wall. In the past this is where discouragement gets the best of me and I run away and hide. Some of you have experienced this hiding process and cringe at the thought of it happening again. Others have never seen me go into hiding because I'm quite good at covering it up. I am good at putting on my game face when it is necessary. However, I vowed to be honest so here I am.
I've been exercising every day and the scale is not moving hardly at all. I am so frustrated! What in the world am I doing wrong? It has to be my food but I've cut my portions. I stay away from obvious fat and sugar choices. The only thing I haven't really watched is my sodium intake. I'm keeping up with at least 6-8 glasses daily. So why or why is that scale not moving?! Ugh!! I think I may need professional help. Maybe a priest with anointing oil like in the '70s movie The Exorcist. All kidding aside, I am really down about this and I'm sure the stress isn't helping. I am still waiting for the endorphins to kick in that are supposed to help my mood. So far I'm not any chipper than I was before. As a matter of fact I think I'm having more emotional ups and downs since this process started.
So where do I go from here? Well the old me would say "to the candy jar, FatMan". I'm glad to say that I don't listen to that anymore (at least not today). I'm not giving up! For once in my life I am digging down deeper than I ever have in my entire life. Tonight I took the girls to the gym with me. I did 20 minutes on the circuit. I would have done more but they had a class tonight so I had to move. I did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike which translates into 6.5 miles (personal best!). I also came home and did another 4 miles on my stationary bike because I was so mad at the scale. This is the first time I chose to do more exercise instead of eating. Amazing!
Am I still frustrated even after venting here? Of course! Am I going to give up? No way! I have way too much invested in this journey. I think this was a mini pop quiz tonight to see if I am in it for the long haul. Well, I am thrilled to report that Yes I AM!
3 comments:
I can give you some dietary advice that I promise will help if you want it. :)
Dearheart,
I am VERY proud of you! You're determination and refusal to give up really blesses me.
I love you!
I remember being in those shoes several times this last year, but keep up the determination and don't give in to those nasty little voices and you will do well my friend. If you ever need encouragement...call me.
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